it's been a while

i don't have a lot of time to post right now, but i was just reminded - only a few minutes ago - that I was created to love! these past couple of weeks have been a period of adjustment...major adjustment. and i look forward to discussing this later. now, however, i have been reminded to love. LOVE. Love. I am created to LOVE. Thank you, God. for Your graciousness. for Your patience. for Your LOVE. i do not understand why I am created in this way, but I will seek to strive in learning how to live in this way.

Where are we?

Here we are! Welcome to ahava122!

I wonder sometimes where we are going, what we are doing, and who is along with us. This is a new adventure, so welcome. We are in a journey, and together, we will travel, seek, and discover that though our lives are meaningless without God, my God the journey is beautiful.

Where are we...who knows? But we are on our way...

Patience

Lately, I have been dwelling on a certain question that has plagued me since I became a Christian. What prevents God from taking me out? from wiping me away from the world? from destroying me?

The first word that immediately comes to my mind upon thinking about such a question is grace. Amazing grace. This notion is the present act of God that sustains creation and God's freely entered relationship with humanity. This is the foundation to my answer, but I wonder if there is something more. Is there possibly even something else behind the concept of grace that doesn't get tapped into? If you know me, I frequently read into situations in order that I might discover the full truth of the situation. I am not content with superficial investigations or answers. This passion drives many great insights that I have had, but it also has been my downfall in many situaions.

I suppose that behind grace lies an equally powerful attribute of God that probably gets overlooked from time to time. Paitence. God's patience endures all. When humanity should have been thrown into the fire for committing the ultimate sin of turning away from the very One who breathed Life into our lungs and being, God exhibited patience. His patience sustains our existence. His patience also ended the life of God's only Son in that Jesus Christ endured patiently on the cross until the very end. God's patience brought death to His Son and LIFE for His creation!

Find God's patience and rest knowing that His patience sustains and maintains You.

What right do we have?

It's been a while, but here is a reflection on a thought that has been on my mind for a long time...

What right do we have? Who do we think we are that we should claim anything for oursleves? Jobs? Wealth? Power? Love? Ambition? I am going to be upfront...I am going to immediately suppose that human beings are corrutp at the core. Everything that we stive for, even in the name of God, is corrupt so long as at the foundation of our actions lies sin. It can only be through the grace of God that anything we accomplish be done for His glory.

For example, as I sit here writing this post, I am a student at a prestigious seminary so caught up in my selfishness that God feels so distant and my education feels so contrite. By God's grace, I was accepted to this institution and longed to receive a top quality education in order that I might serve God as best equipped as possible. However, amidst my own desires, I am transforming this time that could be so fruitful and selfless into a time where doubt and shame plague my thoughts. There are times where I lie awake at night speaking to God in the silence of my dorm room not expecting to hear anything in reply. What kind of faith is this? What kind of life is this?

I possess a dying faith...as a matter of fact, we all do. And this shows that my faith can only be revived by the very one who selflessly died on a cross of shame for the salvation and continuation of life on this selfish underserving rock. I have not merited or warranted any sort of accalade that would give reason for Jesus Christ to do such a thing. However, it is love that perpetuates His grace and gives validation to His actions.

What right do we have? None at all. However, by Jesus Christ's very blood, very action, and very love, all of us own the right and privilege to love and submit to the one God that will lead us to a wealth beyond any human comprehension. I don't have any right to go forth in this life striving for my own success, even though I do. The only right I have is to lay in the silence of my room speaking the name of God and expecting a reply.

Love Wins!

Today, on this Valentine's Day, whether you are blessed with a significant other or you are living a pleasant life of solitude, remember and know that each of us have been blessed to be created and redeemed in the LOVE of Jesus Christ. Nothing, especially the love of a human being, can compare to that LOVE. The world has not seen a love like this in 2,007 years. So, may you accept that the everlasting arms that surround you and hold you are not the arms of your chosen lover but the arms of the LOVER that has chosen you.

Will you hold them?

God, I am so stupid

I often reflect at the end of the day on all of the things I could have done or said differently. Everytime, I reach the same conclusion...that I am an idiot. I truly do not intend to be an idiot, but I just am. And I can't figure out why. If I had a nickel for every thought I had regarding my idiotic tendencies, I would probably have a couple hundred dollars right now. However, after many years of reflection, a part of me thinks that there is something greater going on than me just wrecking everything I touch. I am beginning to think that I will never reach a state of goodness.
This realization may be completely obvious to most of you reading this post. But think about it. We all in some way are reaching for some degree of perfection. If you don't believe me, drive to a local bookstore or gas station and notice all of the magazines that are portraying (or distorting) "true" beauty, intelligence, and spirituality. Then, think about the subtle influence these articles have had on your life. Our world is being innendated with the "5 ways to magnificent abs" or "10 ways to lose 10 pounds." Could this be what is distorting our reality of truth and beauty? Could this be why boys and girls, men and women, and male and female, alike are all susceptible to pressure and perfection? Could this be why everytime I lie down to bed at night I think about what I could have done better or said differently to reach complete goodness?
I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. However, I do know that there is a different direction - a different perspective. In all of the good, bad, and ugly that is taking place around me and within me, I find stability that in Jesus Christ, I find life. Jesus does not give any standards for how I should look or dress. He simply says come to me, and I will give you life fully, completely, wholly, eternally, qualitatively, and absolutely! I don't need to worry about this world anymore! Praise God because this world is so broken. And as I lie down at night, I don't need to think about how much of a screw up I am because I know God is holding me. God, I am so stupid, but thank you that Your grace gives me life and a reason to sleep peacefully.

It's a Mystery...

One of the greatest mysteries of God is that God is a mystery. Thomas Torrance writes of John Calvin who said that God is simply a mystery - one to be adored. What does this mean, though? How are we to go about thinking of a God that is a 'mystery?' How should we even interpret 'mystery?' One author suggests that mystery is not a lack of understanding but, instead, a presence of more knowledge than can be comprehended. So, if we are to understand and comprehend a God beyond comprehension, then I suggest that we begin inquiring into the one source that revealed God wholly, suprememly, and completely - Jesus Christ. Jesus is the manifestation, the incarnation, of the Living God in Heaven. Our God is not just a Being or a Spirit existing in an alternate reality. However, our God is an active and moving God involved in the very lives and actions of creation. God is moved by humanity and responds to our suffering. We know this because God entered the world in the form of a human being to present Godself, a formal introduction, to humanity. And though Jesus Christ was human, he must be very God because only God can reveal Godself completely, not a man. All of this is to say that mystery is real. And so is Jesus Christ. And to study the words of Jesus Christ is to acquaint ourselves with the God of the UNIVERSE, of the stars in the night sky, of humanity, of the planets, of the animals, of the roses on the bush, of the clouds against the blue, of the air we breathe, of the whales in the oceans, of the birds in the air, of you, of me, of everything. We must not be fearful of the unknown - of the mystery - but we must walk toward the only source of life that will fulfill us and coplete us. We must walk toward the depths and mysteries of our living God. So, I beg the question...what barriers prevent you from engaging with mystery? And how can you begin to bring down the barrier so that you might embrace the fear and depth of God? May you begin to know and love and explore this mystery, and may you continue with passion the journey that our Mysterious God has set before you.